V for Vendetta...and Vending.

Switzerland is home to nearly 40,000 Selecta machines and in almost every corner of the country there is a mechanical lifesaver for almost every situation. Bad breath? Chewing gum. Hungry? Crisps and chocolate. A night of passion on the cards? Condoms. Pregnancy test?

This is great for the basic situations but what if your needs extend beyond contraception and snacks. What if the Selecta machine is not enough? Here we show some of the unusual and downright bizarre machines for emergencies you cant even imagine.

Forgotten your anniversary? The Blumenautomat!

Forgotten your wife's birthday or your anniversary? At the Kalkbreite/Wiedikon station is a vending machine with fresh flowers from the Blumerei Kalkbreite. The flowers are beautiful so the recipient will think you have taken a lot of time and trouble to get them. A great alternative to last minute gift shopping at the filling station.

Kalkbreitestrasse 2, 8003 Zürich

Flat tyre? Tube-O-Mat!

The sky is blue, a warm and gentle breeze caresses your face. You yearn to get on your bike and be free but the fates are against you. Your tyres are flatter than a pint of English beer. Before depression takes hold don’t worry. The tube O-mat has got your back. And your front tyre as well.  

Seefeldstrasse 24, 8008 Zürich

Zürich not rustic enough? The Alpomat!

Imagine that guests come to visit from abroad. They want to see the real Switzerland but all you have in your trendy apartment in Wiedikon is craft beer, quinoa and Netflix. Alpomat to the rescue. There are authentic farm products, sausages, juices, jam and of course, tons of cheese.

Albisriederplatz, 8003 Zürich

Feeling too happy? The Grief-omat!^{(Foto: Atlas Obscura)}

It happens on a regular basis. You arrive at the cemetery and you’ve forgotten to bring a candle to light at the grave. Never fear, at the entrance to the Sihlfeld cemetery is the Trauerautomat which will service all your grieving needs. The machine was created by an art student and also offers spiritual help for those left behind. How to write a farewell letter, a paper ship as a memorial or some soap bubbles if the deceased slept with your husband/wife.

Aemtlerstrasse 148, 8003 Zürich

Tired of eating junk? The Hiltl-Automat!
^{(Foto: Almost Famous)}

One thing that most vending machines have in common is that their products are on the unhealthy side. Don’t we poison our bodies enough? From morning to night we read hate filled media, breath polluted air and consume fatty, salty and sugar filled snacks. If you want to give your body a break from the onslaught then perhaps the Hilti machine is for you. A vending machine without the guilt.

Sihlpostgasse 2, 8004 Zürich

Got the arts and crafts bug? The Werkstattautomat!

^{(Foto: Zett)}

It’s happened to all of us. You’re just putting the finishing touches to the papier-mâché effigy of your worst enemy and you run out of tape. And paper. And glue. The ZhDK has the solution. In fact they have three solutions filled with everything you need to finish your project.

Pfingstweidstrasse 96, 8005 Zürich

Bored? Really, really bored? The Short-Story-omat!

^(Foto: SBB)

Are you bored and thirsty for entertainment? Have you watched every series on Netflix three times? Read every book? Memorised the instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle? Have no fear, Ron’s here and i have found a solution. At Zürich main station there is a machine that dispenses short stories. Okay, it’s meant for waiting customers but who’s going to know? I promise i won’t tell if you don’t.