Dear Baroness, My boyfriend takes forever to come and I'm tired of waiting

Dear Baroness,

How long is too long for a session of sex? I love having sex with my boyfriend but it usually takes forever. And after about 15 minutes, I loose focus and interest. I love him and am hot for him, but I think he thinks he needs to go forever in order to be more manly or to satisfy me or ... I don’t really know. And he has no concept of a ‘quickie’, which bums me out.

I don’t mean to be ungrateful, I know there are lots of guys who explode the second they get near a woman’s naked body, but there should be some sort of happy medium, you know?

I don’t want to hurt him but how does one bring this up? 

Any help would be much appreciated.

Signed, 

 
Staring At My Watch, Waiting For It To End

Darling Staring,

Stamina. It means different things to different people. Some think that 15 minutes is not nearly long enough and to others it feels like an eternity. And sometimes it just depends on your mood, right? 

Men have always had a lot of pressure on them to perform, and with internet porn, it’s only gotten worse. They compare themselves and their staying power to that of dudes who are often, pardon me - freaks of nature - who stay hard for hours (even after ejaculating) and/or have a lifetime supply of Viagra. 

And if our men are watching porn in order to gather intelligence on what the female of the species wants in the sack, well, then, I feel sorry about our future. Go watch some and try to tell me it’s how you really want things to be. 

When people say they had ‘sex all night long’, they don’t mean one position, pounding away,  concentrating only on busting a nut, as it were - they mean they started having sex. They stopped. They started again. They took a nap. They teased, they licked, they kissed, they changed positions (many times), they sweated, they laughed, they played, they talked, and ultimately, hopefully, they both came at least once or - one can only hope - several times. This, my friends, is ‘sex all night long’.

Men also get worried their rebound time, or, more technically, the refractory period. We women have been blessed (it’s so nice to be given at least this one thing . . .) with the ability to keep going with little or no ramp up time, but we need to be understanding of our partners and take advantage of the average 1/2 hour (15 minutes for 18 year old studs and 20 hours for 70 year old studs) down time and go get a sandwich or watch some ESPN highlights while he rests up for the next round. 

I know of no woman who likes to just be pounded for hours. Why would you want her to feel like a thing and not a person? This is supposed to be an interactive event. So why not include your partner in the fun? When we are just lying there for so long, waiting for you to have your fun, we often are multitasking: we’re looking at the ceiling making grocery lists, composing emails and sometimes even, Haiku. 

My pussy is numb
Please open the window, dear
I’m watching an ant

I know, I know. I’ll stick to writing columns . . .

I don’t care how turned on, young, and naturally lubricated you are, there is this thing called science. (I’m not a scientist and am not sure what kind of science to which I am referring, but it is, nonetheless, science.) The friction caused by the old ‘in/out’ over and over and over and over can and will cause chaffing and skin being rubbed off and other not so lovely things I’d rather not think about. You could probably start a fire if you went at it long enough. This is not the kind of hot I’m looking for.

You mentioned quickies . . . Quickies are underrated. Very underrated. There is nothing hotter than knowing you can grab your man while walking by the Urania parking garage, for example, drag him into the ladies loo, have your way with him and be done in moments, walking back out into the world, passing people on the Bahnhofstrasse who have no idea the origin of your smirk and that glow that only come from being freshly ravaged. Yummy.

Talk to him. This is often the key to many things in relationships, dare I say, in life. Talking about things is almost always a good thing. We are just not always good at doing it. We’re taught that the person we are with should be able to read our minds and know what turns us on - where to touch us and when and for how long ... this is not reality, darlings. And you are not Cinderella. Stop waiting for Prince Charming to arrive on his white steed and just suck it up, tell your man he’s taking too damn long or just take charge, use him as you wish, have a mind blowing orgasm and then fall asleep. Maybe he’ll get the picture.

Please let me know how it goes. I suppose, if you don’t want to talk to him, you could either refuse sex or break up with him, hoping he’ll magically figure it all out and not inflict his power pounding sessions on the next unsuspecting woman he meets at Kinski.

Thumbs pressed for success, darling!

As Ever,

 
xx

The Baroness