It’s been nearly a year since I jumped feet first into the shark, dolphin, and sometimes cute little baby seal-infested waters of Tinder.
“Baroness! Why is a nice girl like you resorting to an online hook-up, booty-call, cheating-on-your-spouse app?!!” I know, I know! (Hangs head.) But really . . . it’s so much more than that! Stay with me.
For the two of you in Zurich who don’t know how Tinder works, look it up. I’m too exhausted from all my dates to explain it to you. But know this. It’s easy, it’s fun and it’s addictive.
I see it as a bit of a game, which is not really how one should see an interaction or relationship with other real people, but it’s the truth. I ‘play’ it on the bus, at the cinema waiting for the film to start, in line at Migros - I’ve even done it while sitting next to my mom! Gasp!
As someone who has never tried internet dating and hasn’t even ever gone on a blind date, signing up for Tinder was not an easy decision for me. I’ve always had an aversion to online dating, and as a child of the 80s’ (now you know), I still have a dream that I can meet people the ‘old fashioned way’. But times have changed and the stigma that once accompanied personal ads and matchmaking services has been replaced by thousands of people who have met, fallen in love, and have even gotten married as a result of meeting online. Not that I’m looking for any of those things. Love and marriage. I shudder at the thought. Give me a whip-smart, wickedly-funny, non-classically handsome, confident, wise-assed afternoon-drinking buddy and I’m all set. Seriously.
And though Tinder is technically an online dating app, it’s really not. Out of a 1000 users, 96% percent said they had never used another online dating service. So I’m not alone!
I’ve had days and weeks of intelligent, intriguing and thought-provoking (and sometimes, yes, more sexy than intelligent, which is delicious fun too) conversations. Dates I would label great. Even wonderful.
I’d love to tell you all the sordid details of my experiences on Tinder, and I will. Soon. Promise. In a future installment. Date by date. Match by match. Awkward conversation by awkward conversation.
Baroness: Is English okay? I’m afraid my German is less than stellar.
Tinder hottie: (Silence. Unmatch.)
Baroness: (inner monologue) Next! Onward and upward!
You’ll just have to be patient, darlings. (Mama always said to leave ‘em wanting more)
Before you get all excited and expect to hear the stories of my one-night stands, quickies in parking garages and threesomes, let’s look at the numbers:
first dates: 8
second dates: 4
long term (over 6 weeks) dating: 1
old boyfriends discovered: 4
husbands of acquaintances discovered: 3*
married men who said so from the get go: 1
married men who ‘forgot’ share this pertinent information: 2
one night stands: none of your damn business
* (but not exposed - what kind of person do you think I am?)
I was curious about what the other women looked like on Tinder so asked an old boyfriend if he would show me. This is what I saw: Women in yoga clothes. Women in yoga clothes doing yoga poses. Lots of cats. Bikinis. Tattoos. Pouty faces. Dressed up sexy with a group of other women.
All of the women in Zurich on Tinder (other than the Baroness) have cats and do yoga, so what are the men like, you ask?
Well, I’ll tell you. Many men in Switzerland do (extreme) sports and want to show you that they do. They also pose with pets. And children. And cars. Lots of selfies in bathroom mirrors. And other women. (Perhaps this is to show they are married or were or that they are friends with the ex, but without any explanation I find it weird and always swipe left.)
There is a place for a bio or comments under your photos. Many men are excited to ‘carpe diem’. Or tell you that ‘you only live once’. Or that you can ‘sleep when you’re dead’. Those are a turn off and even if I fancy how you look, I will not swipe you right if you write stupid, pedestrian shit. So stop.
I prefer when you write nothing. Maybe your height. Apparently that’s a thing . Too many women being disappointed when a short guy shows up I guess. But that’s silly. And shallow. But expectation management is a real thing, I suppose.
Just like in real life, some conversations flow easily, some are like pulling teeth. Some people are forward or inappropriate or have no manners and some are just plain boring. And a good deal of people you match with don’t even write. It’s an ego thing. How many people can I get to like me? The human connection is secondary.
One guy’s opening line was, “Have you ever fucked an Australian?” I was horrified but admittedly, a little intrigued. Who does this? So I chatted with him. After he wrote some really raunchy things, I ignored him. He wrote a few days later apologizing and saying he’d been drunk and then proceeded to ask if he could come live with me and be my sex slave. Finally! I found someone who was interested in some sexy time! I wrote back and told him if he wore a tux while doing my laundry and vacuuming my filthy floors, he had a deal.
I always associated mini golf with slightly dilapidated courses in Spain and France where the ball never ran true and luck rather than skill decided most games. But did you know there is a pro mini golf circuit and there is even a short
2. Espresso Granita à la Ron
I have a few favourite secret recipes that i have picked up from my visits to the restaurants of Zurich. Unfortunately, the last time a shared one of these gems the restaurant i borrowed the recipe from slammed the door in my
3. Watch out!
I've told you before but another warning can't hurt. Fraudsters are active on all housing platforms in Switzerland. Also on my pages. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that all offers are genuine. I do my best to blacklist any i catch but
1. Nature Photography
Images far from urban life
2. Pictures around the world
Show me your favorite pictures from the world, do not forget to mark them on the map!
3. Algarve - Naturschutzgebiet Ria Formosa
1. Mocha smoothie bowl
Oh my dear coffee, how much I need you at the moment! But since I try to get myself ready while my husband is still at home, there's sometimes no time to prepare a cup of coffee. So here's my solution for a 2 in 1 breakfast and
1. Bagel-Factory Zürich
Buckhauserstrasse 35, 8048 Zürich
2. Casa nostrana
Albisstrasse 25, 8038 Zürich
3. Lucky Dumpling: Authentic Chinese
6 years ago we welcomed 'Dini Mueter' to the Langstrasse. This summer, the bar and restaurant underwent a refurbishment and just reopened its doors with a new concept and a new name. Well, actually the new name is also the concept: Lucky
FREE STATE SSD CHEMICAL SOLUTION SUPPLIERS FOR CLEANING BLACK MONEY +27660432483 in Lenasia , Lawley , Protea Glen , Chiawelo , Protea North , Zakariyya Park , Eldorado Park A/H , Orlando , Ennerdale , Mid-ennerdale , Zondi , Zola , Soweto , Pimville , Orlando West , Nancefield , Naledi , Mohlakeng , Dobsonville , Bram Fischerville , Diepkloof , Kagiso , Rangeview , Homes Haven , Boltonia , Lewisham , Mindalore , West Village , Luipaardsvlei , Silverfields , Breaunanda , Greenhills , Randgate , Finsbury , Eikepark , Carletonville , Oberholzer , Protea South , Wolfelea AH , Magaliesburg , Eldorado Estate , Tladi , Klipspruit West , Meadowlands , Thulani , Devland , Mofolo North , Jabulani , Dhlamini , Molapo , Phiri , Doornkloof Bellville Benoni Bloemfontein Boksburg Cape Town
Centurion Durban East London Empangeni George Germiston Ibhayi Johannesburg Katlehong Kempton Park
Khayelitsha Kimberley Klerksdorp Mamelodi Mitchells Plain Mthatha Nelspruit Newcastle Pietermaritzburg Pinetown
Polokwane Port Elizabeth Potchefstroom Pretoria Randburg Roodepoort Rustenburg
Sebokeng Soshanguve Soweto Springbok Stellenbosch Tembisa Thohoyandou Umlazi Upington Vanderbijlpark
Vereeniging Welkom Witbank Eastern Cape Free State Gauteng KwaZulu-Natal Limpopo Mpumalanga Zambia, Zimbabwe in Johannesburg, London, England, UK, USA, California, South Africa, Cape Town, Pretoria, Zambia, Lusaka, Zimbabwe, Harare, Namibia, Windhoek, Botswana
Call +27660432483 to purchase Best SSD Solution Clean Black Notes Dollars
WE ALSO? SALE CHEMICALS LIKE SSD AUTOMATIC SOLUTION FORM CLEANING BLACK
I hereby use this media to inform you, that our company can clean out black
deface currency, (stained money) bank notes, We have all kinds of chemicals
used for cleaning of black money or stained money in currencies such as U.S
Dollar, Euro, Pound, and all local currencies, even if your defaced note is
25 years old,
WE SALE CHEMICALS LIKE TOURMALINE, S.S.D. Chemical / Solution , CASTRO X
OXIDE, A4. AND MANY Like ACTIVATION POWDER & SSD SOLUTION FOR CLEANING
BLACK MONEY Chemical and Allied product incorporated is a major
manufacturer of industrial and pharmaceutical products witBLACK NOTES ,WE
WORK ON COMMISSION WE ALSO OFFER MACHINES TO DO THE BIG CLEANINGS, AND WE
DO DELIVERY OF PRODUCTS TO BUYERS D ESTINATIONS AFTER A CONSULTATION FEE.h key
specialization in the production of S.S.D Automatic solution used in the
cleaning of black money,defaced money and stained bank notes with anti
breeze quality.OTHERS FOR DAMAGED NOTES, BILLS LIKE USD,EURO, POUNDS,
TRANSFERRING COLORS FROM USE NOTE TO NEW WHITE BILLS,,,,[email protected]