The Baroness has a few things to say about St. Valentine's Day
I know. I’m late. I know it’s only a few days until the 14th of February. Valentine’s Day. That day when one is supposed to show the one one loves how much one loves them. Or something like that. Flowers. Candy. Cards. Dinner. Lingerie. You get the picture.
I also know there are many places in the world where St. Valentine’s Day is not that big a deal. (I think we can thank those overwrought Americans and their grand greeting card mentality for this, among so many other atrocities.)
Switzerland seems to be one of these places. You can carry on as usual, ignoring your lover in the midst of winter, or you can choose to board the love train, which is sure to win you points. You needn’t adhere to the staid and stale traditions. Please don’t. This is one holiday (I use the term lightly) where creativity is encouraged and surely rewarded.
I want to emphasize this: Buying your love a dozen, long-stemmed red roses and taking her out to dinner on Sunday night is the most unoriginal and yawn-inspiring thing ever.* Not to seem ungrateful, but really. You can do better. You will do better.
*I would like to mention here that though traditionally, the wining and dining and wooing and arranging of all these things has fallen primarily into the laps of men, it needn’t. Really. It’s true, I swoon when a man is an old-fashioned, charming, etiquette-brimming, chivalrous one. That’s hard to beat.
But it’s also hard to be the one who always has to do this. The one who is expected to take care of everything and plan it all. Not to mention pay for it all. That doesn’t seem very modern, does it? Though it’s certainly incredibly challenging to be a woman in this world, being a man is tough too. The constant potential rejection, for one. That’s got to be exhausting. I’m so torn. I love the tradition, but I also see the need not to expect men to always have to do the wooing. And it can be fun to take the lead. Perhaps we’ll have to talk about this another time in more detail. Yes. We will. Please send me a letter. Or I’ll be forced to just rant. And you know how much I love to do that.
The point is, random acts of love and lust are far more interesting and appreciated than those which are deemed appropriate or necessary on a certain day. If you want to practice such random acts that include the institution, then be my guest. After all, if it’s important to your darling to get the requisite roses, bubbly and a heart-shaped box of chocolates on the 14th, then you should do it. Seriously. As my mother always says, “If you love someone and they need to be kissed 37 times a day and told ‘I love you’ 68 times, you do it. You may not need the same thing in return or even understand it, but it doesn’t cost anything and it makes them happy. And when your partner is happy, you’re happy.” Words to live by, certainly.
The Baroness is very low maintenance that way. She merely needs a kiss on the forehead before sleep, a slap on the derrière as you walk out the door, a wink across a crowded room and your complete and utter adoration. Simple.
Getting back to the business at hand, I do have a small list of things which might inspire you. I know they’ve inspired me.
Have you ever wondered what sex might be like with more intimacy? Or with more kink? Or . . . (gasp) both? I think I’ve stumbled onto something here . . .
My new friend, Sidonia offers so many tantalizing services, you’ll likely want to try them all. These are a few things I’ve picked just for you, my darlings:
Tantra for Lovers - a 3 hour guided tantric journey for couples, where she and her colleague coach, massage and accompany you through a pre-negotiated tantric adventure, customized to the wishes of the individual couples. This can include parallel massages, playing with closeness/distance between the couple, body to body oil explorations, coaching for mutual genital massages, rope bondage, etc.
How exciting would that be? Who needs roses when you can have Tantra?
Another thing she’s offering is A Rope Massage Intro Class for couples: a two-hour introduction and coaching including rope bondage, Tantra massage, and light BDSM in the bedroom.
Here is the website, www.sinnesoase.ch. It’s only in German for now, but Sidonia speaks perfect English and encourages you to contact her with any questions at [email protected]. Do it. She’s lovely. And then I want to hear all about it.
And, as the Baroness is terribly interested in experiencing what you do, she will too be treating herself to a little time with Sidonia. Remember ladies, this is not just for the men! What could be better than learning about your own body with a little help from an expert … think of how much better things could be with your next lover. Everyone wins when we know what we like and can communicate it to our partners.
And . . . I simply must recommend a toy for you. I’m having such fun researching and writing about sex toys, I might have to start writing reviews for you! (Hmm, now there’s an idea.)
It’s called the We Vibe. We. Us. Together. Yes. A vibrator for you both. The woman wears it and you/she can control it. But, wait – there’s more! You can get in on the action as well. She can wear it while you’re in flagrante delicto and you’ll also get to feel the motion of the ocean. How wonderful is that?
There is a remote control which could certainly inspire hours of fun, AND AND AND It has an app. Yes. An app. For your phone. Which you can use to control the We Vibe FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.
Your love could be thousands of miles away and you could still play with one another. I mean, come on… If this thing works as well as I’ve been told it does (I’m still waiting for mine … ahem) then your mind will be blown and long distance relationships may become the new trend. I’m all for it.
I recommend you go directly to the Sensuelle website or to the shop in Zurich and pick one up today. Now that’s a reason to celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, darlings!
I’ll leave you lovers with a poem I wrote. Age 8. Not so very long ago:
Roses are red, Buttercups are yellow. When I think of you, My knees turn to Jell-o.
Yes, it seems The Baroness has always had a way with words.
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