Dear Baroness, Is it okay that the guy I'm seeing won't go down on me?
I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and I really like him. But there is one thing that really bothers me, and I’m not sure if maybe I’m making too much of it. We have a lot of sex and it’s quite good - he seems pretty free and we have fun.
Okay, so I’ll just get to the point. Though I’ve given him countless blow jobs, he has never once gone down on me. Not once. I’ve tried some subtle moves and even some verbal hints but I have never come right out and asked him to do it. I’m well-groomed and shower regularly, so I don’t see the problem. I don’t know what to do, but I really like him. Maybe it’s something I can live without. I do have my trusty vibrator . . . What do you think?
No Tit for Tat
Break up with him immediately. Via text is fine. This does not bode well.
I AM NOT KIDDING.
xx The Baroness
Okay, okay . . . That was a little harsh and you deserve more of an answer. (Though the above pretty much sums it up as far as I’m concerned.)
In my humble opinion, any man that does not go down on a woman is not a man who deserves to have a woman go down on him. Reciprocity is a real thing, darlings. Having said that, if you have a real, grown up discussion and there is an understandable reason (though I cannot think of a single one) why he is adverse to participating in the single most amazing thing ever created on this earth, then you’re welcome to let him off the hook.
For him to expect you to go downtown and for him not to seems very sketchy to me. But this is your call. If, after several sessions of naked fun with a new lover, he has not made the attempt to go pearl diving, this would send up many warning signals, especially if, as I’ve mentioned, you have treated him to the old Brentwood Hello (look it up).
Chances are he has had a bad experience (who hasn’t?) or has some hangup from his upbringing (ditto) or some religious thing (this happens, guilt is a powerful thing). This could be your chance to teach him. To bring him over to the dark side. But teaching is not always what we want to spend our time doing so you need to decide whether to fish or cut bait, so to speak.
You know my opinion on this, but perhaps you are more charitable than I.
Good luck and remember, there are many, many, many good men out there who love worshipping at the altar. Go out and find one of them, have your mind blown, and you’ll forget all about whatshisface. Trust me.
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