Dear Baroness, I'm in a bad mood because I've been dumped . . .
Spring is here and you would think that would be a good thing. But I’m in a bad mood because I’ve been dumped. And I’m not the only one. It seems to be going around. And it hurts, you know? It never gets any easier. And you swear you’ll never let yourself fall in love again and then you meet someone who makes you feel like it’s okay to fall. And you trust them. And you open your heart. Only to have it ripped from your chest a mere month later. Who knows, maybe I don’t even know what love really is . . .
I don’t know how you can help me. I know time is the only thing that can really help, but I was hoping maybe you’d have some wise words or maybe be able to make me laugh at least.
Sad, Sad, Sad
Darling Sad (x3),
I’m so sorry to hear this. I hate that you’re hurting. I do. But wow, I will say . . . . It is going around! I have no fewer than three friends who’ve been dumped in the last month. What is it? Spring is here? New beginnings? Get rid of the person who kept you warm on those cold winter nights? Whatever it is, I agree. . . It’s lousy.
Even The Baroness is not immune to heartbreak. It’s true, my darlings.
Why, just last week, she was planning a romantic Easter get away with someone she truly thought was a lovely man. A man who pursued her. A man with an incredible smile and a sparkle in his eyes who expressed his yearning for her. She liked him. A lot. Promises were made. Professions of adoration and intent were uttered. Hopes were up. Defenses were down. Car hired. Flat rented. Gifts purchased. Then, the day before Prince Charming was scheduled to fly into town, a message. I’m not coming. I want to be with you but I can’t. Not right now. And, almost as an afterthought, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s amazing how little or how much weight these two words can carry. In this case, they didn’t carry much. The damage had been done.
Actions speak louder than words. Those five words are always true.
Is her heart broken? No. Not broken. But certainly bruised. Can a heart be broken if you were not truly in love? I would say that though one may not have been in love, one can indeed still feel the physical pain that comes from the deep disappointment which follows the severing of a deep connection. There have been studies proving that this is an actual medical condition. It’s called Broken Heart Syndrome. How sad is that?
Some might argue that if it hurts so much, it must have been love. But that’s not necessarily so. But it does still hurt. You’d think that some brilliant scientist would have discovered a cure for a broken heart by now. But the only thing that heals a broken heart is time. And that takes a while. . .
None of us are immune to this. If you have traditionally been the dump-er, just wait, you will be the dump-ee in due time. This is the price for opening yourself up to connecting with another human. And sometimes it feels like it’s not worth it. Cats seem like a better option. And just when you’re ready to hang it all up and become a Monk, you go to airport to return a rental car and a young, hot, muscle-bound, dark-haired Adonis chats you up. And you feel like maybe, just maybe, at some point in the not too distant future, you might just be ready to dip your toes in the water of love once again. And you will. We all will. Because that’s what people do.
I advise you to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. To take your time. To do things you love to do. To distract yourself as best you can, but to also feel the pain and honor it as best you can. After all, you should be commended for opening your heart to another. It’s an incredibly fearless and scary thing to do.
The Baroness will try to heed her own words here. But it’s not easy, is it? Surrounding yourself with friends and family and taking care of yourself is key. Our dear Baroness is terribly fortunate to have had meals made, drinks served, flowers delivered and massages given . . . It doesn’t fix it, but it helps.
One more thing which could possibly help (but is also a bit controversial) is going out and getting some lovin’ from someone else. Admittedly, this is not necessarily the most grown up and healthy thing to do. But boy, oh boy, can it make you feel better. Temporarily. I would not recommend picking up some stranger at the train station, getting drunk on shots of Jägermeister and bringing them home with you, but if you have a ‘friends with benefits’-type situation or an ex you booty call, well, now might be the time. But it can also make you feel worse. You know yourself better than I do, darling. Be careful with you.
You may be feeling quite angry in addition to feeling hurt and that is to be expected. But try not to hold on to the anger. You did love this person for a reason and they made you feel good for a time. Try to remember that feeling. No one can take that away from you.
We find far too few people in life with whom we truly to connect. Of course that’s why it hurts so much more when one person runs away even after admitting to this special connection. Falling in love can be scary. But I prefer to see it as exhilarating, invigorating and intoxicating.
It will happen again, my darling. For The Baroness, for you, and for anyone who is brave enough to open themselves up to another deliciously imperfect soul.
Let’s enjoy these longer days and trust that by Summer we’ll all feel a little bit better. Sending love.
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