Dear Baroness, I'm 47 and am sexting with a 21 year old . . . is that wrong?
It was an honor meeting you at the Rooftop Party last weekend. I really enjoyed our talk. As promised, I’m writing you asking for advice: I am a 47 year old man and I am newly divorced after almost 15 years and am interested in seeing what’s out there, women-wise. So I joined Tinder (I read your article and was curious) and haven’t looked back since.
I met a 21 year old woman in the first few days and we’ve been chatting since then - it’s been about 3 weeks. We haven’t met yet. I’m really enjoying the flirting and the exchange. It’s exciting and she’s really hot. I want to meet her, maybe even date her, maybe more - who knows? But is this crazy? Am I just clouded by the newness of it all? Am I making a fool of myself?
Please Baroness, help me.
Middle-Aged Cliché (without the convertible)
Darling Middle-Aged Cliché,
It was lovely meeting you as well. You seem like a good man and I thank you for your honesty.
I’m not going to beat around the bush, Darling. Why a 21 year old? Why not someone only half your age? (That would be 23 1/2.) 47 - 21 = 26. She’s 26 years younger than you are. Twenty. Six. You could be her father and then some. You’re forty-seven. She’s TWENTY-ONE. I know this is beginning to sound repetitive, but I really need to make sure you understand what I’m saying. Capice?
Let’s say I was 47 and I wanted to date a 21 year old. It could be fun, admittedly. For a night. At best. But ugh. Please. It sounds annoying and exhausting. I have little patience for children. But somehow that seems less offensive. An older woman with a younger man. And why is that? Because is it not reinforcing the misogynist stereotypes of an older man and a much younger woman. The old May-December romance. Not that you’re going to marry this doe-eyed dear, but if you did, you’d be in the company of some stellar men: Alec Baldwin, David Hasselhoff, Rod Stewart, Jack Nicholson, Mick Jagger, Steve Martin, Hugh Heffner, Chuck Norris and The Donald all married women 24-28 years younger than themselves. (According to my research, most divorced and went out and found another child bride. Shocker.)
But before I lecture you any more, I’d like to say that I do think it’s possible to fall in love with someone much older or younger. Or taller. Or richer. Or whatever. There are always exceptions which prove and disprove rules, stereotypes and stupidity. So there you have it. But really. Why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone from a different generation?!
And who says you want to marry this 21 year old blonde? You haven’t even met her! What if it’s just sex? “Is that okay, Baroness?” you asked. Is that okay?! Of course! Who am I to judge or tell you no? Be safe and have no expectations. But remember, you told me you have an 18 year old daughter. She will be 21 soon. Just let that simmer for a bit.
You said that what you liked was that she was a young, hot blonde who swiped right and is interested in you. YOU. I get it. I do. If you can get a 21 year old chick to want to let you buy her sex toys and talk dirty to you on the phone, then that means you’re not old. You still have it. And that’s a heady feeling. Because you are no longer young, my friend. You look good . . . for your age. You are a sexy guy. You’re funny and smart and charming. SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WASTE THAT ON SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT EVEN ALIVE WHEN Lost in Translation CAME OUT?!
What’s so scary about a woman (there are hot, sexy ones over 40, btw) who is your age and has real life experience and history and wisdom? One who surely has a better idea of what to do in the sack (I don’t care how much porn you’ve watched, this does not substitute for real experience. Trust me.) and who will never ask you, “What was it like to be alive during the Cold War?”
What the hell. Just go for it. Ask to meet her. I hope she’s not a working girl or that she’s not just interested in leading you on and has no intention of meeting you (who wouldn’t enjoy sexting with older men who tell you how hot you are constantly?). That would be lousy. And I don’t want you to feel lousy. I hope you meet her and she’s real and smart and funny and proves me wrong. I’d love that. I would. Truly.
And if it doesn’t work out this time, consider using the handy rule for calculating the youngest acceptable age of which you should consider being with: Half your age plus seven. (Historically, it’s a man’s rule, but I like stealing things from boys.)
In case you’re bad at math, for you, it’s 30. That's still young, tiger.
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