I’ve missed you these last weeks and do hope the feeling is mutual. I didn’t tell you I’d be gone ahead of time, as I am a firm believer in the old ‘ask forgiveness not permission’ trope. So. Please forgive me.
Ahhh, America. The land of gluttony, consumerism and giant vehicles. And, being the loyal patriot that I am, I admit to participating and indulging in at least two of the three.
Whenever the Baroness goes to America, she looks forward to certain things she cannot find to eat in Zurich. She also fears the 2 kilos she will undoubtedly gain, because of said things there that she cannot find in Zurich. Or at least not easily. (bagels, Peanut Buster Parfaits from Dairy Queen, Dunkin’ Donuts Iced Coffee, greasy spoon/diner french toast, Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups, New England clam chowder, Land O’ Lakes American cheese . . . I need to stop now, though the list could be longer. Much longer.)
Two words - AMERICAN BREAKFAST. I may miss this most. And while there are places in Zurich who try, I have yet to find a place that has English Muffins and American bacon, (or even Canadian bacon) which are what I like to incorporate into the BEST BREAKFAST SANDWICH EVER. Zurich does have eggs. Damn fine ones. But Zurich also doesn’t have the processed cheese slices that top the eggs and go under the bacon. There is only real cheese in Zurich. And in principal, I’m all aboard that train, but sometimes a Baroness just wants to slum it a little, ya dig?
And why wouldn’t you go out to eat four times a day when it costs about FORTY DOLLARS to feed FOUR PEOPLE for many meals. I often have to restrain myself from buying rounds for the entire bar, as I feel so wealthy (and superior) as a Zurichite - is that the word? No, I’m sure that’s not right. Zurichian? Wait! I remember . . Zuricher! Yes.
I went out with three of my closest girlfriends a few nights ago in Providence and our bar bill, after drinking from 9pm - 3am (interspersed with some light karaoke and skillful dancing, of course) was . . . 100 bucks. 100 UNITED STATES DOLLARS!
The other thing that always must happen is the shopping. I am already anticipating my purchase of a new suitcase in which to transport all the AMAZING DEALS I procured while here. Can you say, Marshall’s? Bergdorf’s? Nordstrom? Lululemon? The Gap? Banana Republic? Not to mention all the boutiques where I can get gorgeous things for a fraction of the cost of ZH? OF COURSE I NEED ANOTHER SUITCASE!
2. Public transportation, I would be a fluffier Baroness without a doubt. As much as I adore driving and miss having a car, it’s pretty amazing to be able to get anywhere pretty much anytime by bus, tram or train. (But don’t get me started about the fact that this world-class city stops its public transportation services at 12:30 am EVEN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT! This is not right. Especially in light of how damned expensive taxis are here.)
3. The melodic sound of Swiss German. I’m kidding. I am not missing this one bit. Did you know that most people in America speak perfect English? So refreshing.
Again, I could go on, but I have to hit Marshall’s one more time. I need shoes. I always need shoes.
While I cannot promise I will not leave you again from time to time, I do promise not to tell you ahead of time. That way you can miss me and be so happy and surprised when I’m back. It’s an old American trick and I find it works wonders on any kind of relationship.
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