Clickbait title? Nah don’t worry, they can’t put anything on the internet that isn’t true.
Zurich’s Greatest Flat™ is a three person flat share and currently looking for a new flatmate. The room that is available immediately is 14m^2 in size and comes unfurnished. It is shown in picture number 4. The rent is CHF 850/month including utilities. Another flatmate is going to move out end of November, such that a further new person will be joining in December.
-Super central location on Langstrasse, in the middle of Zurich’s (basically Switzerland’s) party district/red light district/ghetto
-Old building with high ceilings and creaking parquet floor in the flat, so hipster swag level over 9000
-Great to impress your champagne socialist friends (don’t you dare to open my Jacquesson No. 741 without permission though)
-Projector and Apple TV available for Netflix and chill
-Casting couch available for actual Netflix and chill
-Mirror in the bathroom next to the toilet particularly well suited for doing a line of coke right after puking
-Breakfast room equipped with a 160cm x 200cm (queen size) bed
-Your room has a separate entrance so you can sneak in your ugly ass hookup without anybody noticing
-You can buy ice cream, garlic bread, a crack pipe, toilet paper, you name it, at 3am on a Tuesday night from the 24/7 store downstairs
-The Führer balcony acts as a VIP stand for watching the spectacles on Langstrasse
-Washing machine available to all tenants with no schedule so you can do your laundry whenever you like
-You get a say in who will be joining us in December
-Not as many brawls/as much police action as used to be the case
-Old building with old electrical/water installations
-Langstrasse is never really just outside
-No guest room
-No exhaust hood over the stove, so not too well suited for producing crack
-Washing machine available to all tenants with no schedule so others can do their laundry whenever they like
-Gas oven in the kitchen operates at 'yes‘°C
-You can’t regularly smoke your meth/weed/crack/cigarettes on the balcony
-You don’t really get a say in what the common rooms look like
-No bathroom carpet ever
Apart from Nici (28), who will be moving to Basel end of November just like my other current flatmate, you will be living with me, Erol. Born and raised in Germany I have been living in the Netherlands and the US before moving to Zurich 4 years ago. I study mechanical engineering at ETH and currently I’m 26 years old. I have a wide array of interests and love discussions. My stories are often outrageous and or funny but I tend to repeat them or so I’ve heard. My political beliefs are as questionable as the climate change. I’m also judgemental as fuck.
A thick skin is required, repartee greatly appreciated. Next to having wit you should be interesting, freedom-loving, open minded and critical, striving to do things because you can, not because you have to. Of course you should help me clean the place and treat other people’s property as if it was yours. Unless your iPhone has a cracked screen. Then better don’t touch it at all.
Send your application including a picture of yours (in the attachment) to [email protected] Tell me who you are and what you do. Furthermore, I want you to answer the following questions: What do people find most despicable about you? What are some unpopular opinions you hold? For how long do you want to stay? Please also name your top 3 dog breeds and let me know how you like your steak.
I've told you before but another warning can't hurt. Fraudsters are active on all housing platforms in Switzerland. Also on my pages. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that all offers are genuine. I do my best to blacklist any i catch but
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